It’s been a long and hard decade.
Parenting a son at the age of 17 furnished intense sufferings and beloved jubilation. I missed out on a lot of my youth, but I also got a head-start on life that simply young mothers can truly understand.
Now I’m over the hump. The good outweighs the bad, and I accept the more difficult durations are far behind me.
Here are some thoughts and recalls, of the pros and the cons, from a former teenage parent, 10 year later 😛 TAGEND
Pro: You have a tale
My young adulthood was vastly different than my peers’. While the latter are hanging out in dormitories, I was with my son, learning him to ice skate, watching Toy Story 2, or the sheets after he vomited in his bed.
People always require hear what i just said talk about what it’s like has become a young father, and lucky for them I have a narration to tell.
Con: You miss out
I had a studio apartment in college. On Friday nighttimes, when all my friends were heading to a pre-game, I’d be sitting in the dark, my son an limb span away, clicking through Facebook photos literally sobbing over portraits from darkness out that I had to miss, spring end tours I never got to take, or study abroad planneds I couldn’t attend.
Each album embed me in a wave of loneliness, and to this day that is the most depressing thing I’ve ever felt.
Pro: You’re adulting sooner
From 16 on, I’ve maintained a occupation. I’ve remained a grocery list. I’ve scavenged our apartment. Having a baby early means you’ll have to grow up fast.
I’m happy I learned these habits early-on.
Con: You’re violated
Our first suite at 17 was a shit gap. It was in a decrepit building in a poor neighborhood of a poor metropoli. I was working at Papa Gino’s inducing pizzas for$ 8/ hour. I could hardly afford diapers for my newborn.
Since then I’ve improved my living situation every few years, moving to better and better suites, but I’ve had little for spending on more than groceries and the essentials all the while.
I’m 28 years old now and making a good payment, and I find I’m still sorta infringe. It’s hard to save money for a college fund and a 401 k when you have a kid that needs his own bedroom and after school care and summer camp and new clothes.
Pro: You’re motivated
It motivates me to advance my career when there’s someone else who immediately benefits.
I’m fortunate now to say that I’ve experienced modest success in my career. I’m currently the director of commerce at a ripening tech startup. Far from my pizza revolving days.
Con: You have to forfeit your reveries
When I was 16 I was getting recruited by colleges to play lacrosse. I desired video games, and I always wanted to play at the next level.
When my girlfriend-of-the-time is pregnant, I knew I wouldn’t be able to play in college.
For years now I’ve dreamt what life would then be like if I hadn’t had my son and I had played in college. I meditate where I would have gone to academy, what my social life would then be like, and what my life would be like now.
Pro: You have a lot in common with your teenager
My son and I expended all summer 2017 blare Despacito. We enjoy the same movies. We follow the same instagram histories –@ jerryoftheday anyone?
When I was 10 years old, I sure as hell didn’t wishes to dress like my dad. But my son wears my hats sometimes and he likes the clothes I pick out for him. That’s pretty cool.
Con: You compete with your kid
With so much better in common, my son and I sometimes slip into treating each other like friends. Sometimes he takes a cheap shot and sheds color at me, or sometimes–I’m ashamed to say–I bowl it on him.
Con: You put a lot of stress on your family
Having a newborn at 17 wasn’t only stressful for me, it was stressful for my friends and family too.
My father refused to meet my son until “hes been” 6 months old-fashioned, and although now he’s likely my son’s favorite person on countries around the world, it took my mothers a long time to come around.
I don’t blame them for this behavior. They know how hard parenting is, and I was almost throwing away all the hard work they’d done to give me so many advantages.
Pro: You elevate an only-child
My son is constantly surrounded by adults. He has uncles and grandparents who, when we get together, are undividedly concentrate on him.
He’s comfy with adult exchange, and he’s always been articulate as a result.
Con: You conjure an only-child
My son would enjoy some more companions. He doesn’t have any cousins, let alone siblings, and he won’t have either for a while longer.
He can get easily carried when their own families gets together or when my spouse and I have friends over for dinner. He’s often the only kid around.
Pro: You have them in a different environ
I’m not sure I’ll raise my next boys in a city, but doing so with my son has been a great suffer. His friends class are really interesting and “re coming out” many different backgrounds. Suburban towns are a little one-dimensional. I probably would not have raised my son this space if I had him in my 30 s.
Con: You move around a lot
Between your late teens and early twenties, you’ll move around a lot. Having a child doesn’t change that.
My son has lived in possibly 10 different places at different points of their own lives between his mommy, his grandparents, and myself moving. And we’re still not the whole way reconciled yet.
Pro: You aren’t expected to marry
I think our families sort of expected us to break up at some level. We started dating at 16. We broke up by 19. Because of that we were never pressured to marry.
Con: You’re a single parent
In the 8 years between the time my son’s mommy and I separate, and when I got married last year, I’ve scrambled to create a stable environ for my son. I invested innumerable darkness at my parents house, just to have the additional providing assistance to him.
Since becoming a two-parent household, I’ve recognized how hard it was being single. My son never benefited from the stacks of additional cherish and notice he receives, and I never felt the support of business partners at such a deep grade of intimacy.
The stability of our household is more solid than ever–a stark comparison to many years in flux.
Con: Your relationships are harder
I can’t overstate this enough: relations are harder when you have a child involved.
Lucky for me, my wife and I have been inspired sufficient to dedicate an enormous amount of energy into building a happy relationship. If she wasn’t such an incredible person, or if we knew at the start how hard happens were going to be, it’s likely our relationship wouldn’t have worked.
Pro: You are more capable of serious relationships
Raising a child pushes you to learn the skills for a healthy relationship. My son has helped me get better at listening, nurturing, and respecting other people, and that has carried over naturally to my relationship with my wife.
Additionally, the lifelong commitment I had made to desiring my son, attained “i m feeling” reasonably comfy when making a similar one to my wife.
Con: You have a harder occasion building parent-friends
When I show up to a publishing party at academy or the sideline of a soccer competition, people are a little unsure of who I am and why I’m there. Further, I find a little uncomfortable in a room full of 40-somethings when I’m only a 20 -something.
This awkwardness puts me at a drawback. It’s harder for me to make friends with other mothers, and so my peer-parent-support is restraint. Unfortunately that also symbolizes my son unavoidably gets invited to fewer playdates and birthday parties.
Now I haven’t taken this lying down. I’ve operated really hard to reach out to other parents, and although I have various parent-friends now, I have to admit, I remember the relationships are a bit weaker than what most other parent-friends enjoy.
Pro: You get corroborate from their own communities
Right before my son was accept, my high-school English class “ve given me” a load of classic children’s notebooks. Around the same occasion we had a massive baby rain where many of my friends parents gave us generous talents that we needed.
My mothers have done more for me than they ever did my brothers, and I’m not sure if I like this or not, but I’ve been a bit of a charity case.
Con: Your stress will show sometimes
Having a kid is one of the hardest things most of us will ever do. It’s stressful now as a 28 year old-time, and it was ever more stressful at 17.
My temper has been susceptible to flare up sometimes, generally when I’m engulfed in a task and my son is prying for notice. It seems as a bellow and ends in an apology.
Pro: You’ll be prepared to have your next boys
Now that I’m with my wife I can’t wait to have our own kids. I signify I is absolutely wait–as long as possible really–but when the time comes, I look forward to have more the benefits and feeling more ready.